Hayden Thinspo

A friend had this sitting in her bathroom

so I read Hayden Panettiere's article on health&fitness.

She mostly talked about

the difference between living in LA vs. Nashville.

How her diet&exercise was so hardcore

when she lived in LA

and now that Nashville is so low-key.

She enjoys the foods she craves in moderation

and does workouts she enjoys like hiking

instead of forced&difficult training.

If you can't tell from my past few weeks of exercise

I took the article to heart.

Instead of dreading an hour on the elliptical

I run up&down 4 flights of stairs every hours at work

or simply walk on the treadmill at the gym

since the boyfriend drives there every day anyway.

And I enjoy it so much more.

Sure, there are days that I feel more intense...

today, I planned to walk

and - instead - I found myself running

full-speed at an incredible incline.

But mostly, I just do what I'm feeling

and watch my food intake a little better.

I've stayed at 126.5lbs two mornings in a row

so I think it's working for now.

http://www.becomegorgeous.com/fitness-diet/celebrity_diets/hayden_panettiere_reveals_diet_and_workout_secrets_to_self_magazine-9016.html

Day 141

Breakfast:
Apple - 80cals
Lunch:
Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Snack:
Wasabi Peas - 120cals
Dinner:
Spinach w/ Chicken & RedWineVinager - 100cals

Exercise:
Rolling Hill Run - 300cals

NET: 100

Not for Everyone

126.5lbs this morning.

Hell yes.

I'm getting there.

I'm going down.

I'm working hard.

I will not be stopped.

I understand where she was coming from

exclaiming so passionately that:

"Zero is not a Size"

in an effort to empower our nation's youth.

For those who are "diseased" with an eating disorder

I think her cause was noble&admirable.

But for those - like myself - who choose

to develop&love an eating disorder the

"Eat Less"

shirt is much more beautiful.

I sincerely feel for those

who can't control their thoughts&hatred of themselves

and their body,

but I accept&embrace mine

and simply long for the day that:

ZERO will be my size.

http://www.nypost.com/p/blogs/popwrap/in_praise_of_sophia_bush_PLp0E8Gj5DeLdeWJYomdXL#axzz2IjpD8nvo

Day 140

Breakfast:
Apple - 80cals
Lunch:
Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Snack:
Grapefruit - 90cals
Sunflower Seeds - 50cals
Dinner:
Spinach w/ Chicken & RedWineVinager - 100cals

Exercise:
Run w/ stairs - 300cals

NET: 130

A-Team

For some odd reason

this song

has been my workout warm-up song.

It's slow

and has no beat to pump me up

but it reminds me of my former self...

the girl who was in the A-Team

- the Thin&Partying Team -

and all the things I did back then

to stay tiny.

My lifestyle will probably never fit into

that mold again...

hence why I like the song.

It's a mindset things

and it gets me thinking

about how hard to I need to work

to at least look like an A-Teamer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAWcs5H-qgQ

128lbs this morning.
3lbs and 1wk hold
till feather tattoo.

Day 139

Lunch:
Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Snack:
Grapefruit - 50cals
Wasabi Peas - 150cals
Dinner:
Vegetarian Stir Fry - 200cals

Exercise:
Walk - 100cals
Run w/ Stairs - 250cals

NET: 150

Size Desire

One Tree Hill always tried to insert life lessons.

This one was super silly to me.

"Zero Is Not a Size?"

Well... that's not true.

There's even a size called 00

(a place I'd like to be soon)

and it's a beautiful size to be.

Not that Millie was super fat&disgusting

though she did look a lot better

when she took up a coke habit

and dropped some pounds.

And I find it funny how the same stories

find their way into every TV series.

I feel like any show with a designer

has a "we're short a model" moment

and has to put a "normal girl" on stage

to prove that anyone can be a model.

Not true.

That's that.

Nice try, TVLand, but models are

thin&gorgeous

and they are better for it.

Day 138

Lunch:
Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Snack:
Grapefruit - 50cals
Dinner:
Spinach & Chicken Breast - 180cals
Dessert:
Natural Peanut Butter - 200cals

Exercise:
Cycling - 200cals
Run w/ Stairs - 100cals

NET: 230

Rock Bottom

I used to be a wreck.

In highschool&college

I was an absolute shit show.

I drank too much & smoked too much...

ate too little & threw up all the time.

I wore whatever the fuck I wanted

and didn't give a shit

about anything but partying & floating along.

The funniest thing about those days

is that I honestly didn't care about being thin.

I was thin...

but I'd get bloated

get bags under my eyes

get knots in my hair & bruises on my body.

I was thoughtlessly tiny and an absolute mess.

And I loved every single second of my life.

postsecret.com

Day 137

Breakfast:
Natural Peanut Butter - 200cals
Lunch:
Ground Chicken Nachos - 400cals
Snack:
Reduced Fat Cinnamon Roll - 130cals
Dinner:
Wheat Pasta w/ Garlic Marinara - 150cals

Exercise:
Run w/ Stairs - 150cals

NET: 730

Feather Tattoo

I've decided that

when I finally get below 125lbs again

[I said 120lbs, but the BF likes a "managed 125" more]

I'm rewarding myself

with a feather tattoo.

I'm thinking along the bottom of my butt

you know

along that line before the leg starts

(and hopefully I won't have a real line/bulge there)

about 5inches long & 2inches wide.

The boyfriend's pumped.

He wants to add to his tattoo collection

once his upper arms are built to perfection.

This morning:
I was 129.

Still haven't lost my Miami Weekend Weight.

Damnit.

Day 136

Lunch:
Poached Eggs w/ Corned Beef Hash - 400cals
Dinner:
Wheat Pasta w/ Garlic Marinara - 150cals
Dessert:
Cinnamon Roll w/ Cream Cheese Frosting - 200cals

Exercise:
Leg Workout - 200cals
Walk w/ Stairs - 100cals

NET: 450

L!fe Happens

I decided to watch L!fe Happens today

while I was working from home.

It was full of actors&actresses I love

so I figured it to be a great choice

and I was absolutely correct.

Not only was it a well-put-together

funny&heartwarming movie

but it was surprisingly thinspirational.

Krysten Ritter-Kate Bosworth-Rachel Bilson

all tiny&beautiful ladies.

At one point...

Kate Bosworth was making a smoothie in the kitchen

and as she reached her arms out to work the blender

every bone in her body protruded.

A wonderfully thinspiring sight. 

I must.must.must get my shit together.

"Are there any more burritos left?"

"No."

"I guess I'll just eat a hot sauce packet."

-L!fe Happens

I'd love it if the boyfriend got a job in California.

Being in that sunshine

and surrounded by those beautiful people

would definitely be a constant thinspiration.

Day 135

Lunch:
Turkey Lettuce Wrap - 85cals
Snack:
Wasabi Peas - 100cals
Vegan Chocolate IceCream - 350cals
[THROW UP]
Dinner:
Chicken & Pepper Stir Fry - 145cals
Crinkle Cut French Fries - 120cals

Exercise:
Run w/ Stairs - 150cals

NET: 650 [550]

Non-Eating LA

In the 2nd LA episode of Season 3

of Sex & the City

when Miranda meets up with one a

New York turned LA resident friend

who'd lost 30lbs.

She's enticed by his new mindset&looks

until she realizes just how hard he's working

to keep those pounds off

after she see him chewing his steak

then spitting it into his napkin.

"What are you doing?"

"Do you think I look this good by eating!?"

I need to remember that.

Day 134

Breakfast:
Apple - 60cals
Lunch:
Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Snack:
Wasabi Peas - 100cals
Popcorn - 50cals
Peanut Butter - 190cals
Dinner:
Chicken & Pepper Stir Fry - 150cals

Exercise:
Elliptical - 100cals
Walk w/ Stairs - 100cals

NET: 450

MK&A Thinspo

The Olson twins have always been a source of thinspiration for me.

They've beautiful&thin

and it all seems so effortless for them.

[though I know that's not true.]

Their movies are silly&cheesy

and they've dropped out of the spotlight recently.

But I love their clothes&hair

and their big, pouty eyes are perfect.

And since I've always been a bit of a hippie

my absolute favorite is MK.

Obviously, though, I haven't done as well

skipping meals

as MK did for a while.

I may be keeping my caloric intake low

but not low enough

and I haven't been working out for shit.

Maybe I'll fast tomorrow...

I need to shrink this stomach back down.

Day 133

Breakfast:
Apple - 60cals
Lunch:
Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Snack:
Wasabi Peas - 100cals
Popcorn - 50cals
Peanut Butter - 190cals
Dinner:
Turkey Burger w/ Cheese - 300cals
Fat Free Collage Cheese - 40cals

Exercise:
Elliptical - 100cals
Walk w/ Stairs - 100cals

NET: 640

Cig-Free Bitch

I borrowed a book from a girlfriend Saturday morning
and
spent the weekend reading the whole thing.
Skinny Bitch.
I know, I know... cliche
and everyone's who's ever thought
they could be tiny has read it.
I found it kind of crazy that the opening page
discussed the need to quit smoking.
I haven't discussed it on my blog
...maybe because I was thinking:
if I don't make a big deal
I'll actually succeed.
But I guess I might as well say it out loud:
I haven't smoked a cigarette since December 30, 2012.
Not really because of any of the reasons listed
but I'll admit there are some great reasons to quit.
I'll get into other aspects of the book I liked&disliked
in later posts.

Day 132

Breakfast:
Apple - 60cals
Lunch:
Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Snack:
Wasabi Peas - 100cals
Dinner:
Romaine w/ FF Cottage Cheese - 100cals

Exercise:
Run w/ Stairs - 100cals
Elliptical - 150cals

NET: 110

the Carrie Diaries

Considering my love for Sex & the City

it's no surprise that I was pumped

to see the commercials

for the Carrie Diaries

on Mondays @ 8 on the CW.

I've only seen one episode so far

but I really like it.

The main actress has big

[or should I say tiny]

beautiful&fashionable shoes&outfits to fill

in her role as the young Carrie Bradshaw

and I look forward to seeing her character unfold

and her clothing displayed.

Day 131

Breakfast:
Sugar Free Instant Oatmeal - 100cals
Lunch:
Side Salad w/ FF Italian - 50cals
Cooked Carrots - 25cals
Dinner:
Fried Eggs w/ FF Cheddar - 320cals
Toast - 60cals

Exercise:
Run w/ Stairs - 210cals

NET: 345

Skinny Porn

Speaking of masturbation...

[see yesterday's post]

I'll be the first to admit that:

I love porn.

I tend to use it as a distractionary tool

like when I had a big paper due in college...

I wasted my first hour of "research time"

watching porn.

And once I'd used up all 5 free-views

on youporn.com

[recently I've switched to redtube]

I'd decide it was time to actually do work.

I rarely watch a whole video.

And I rarely turn up the volume.

Oddly enough,

I like to scroll through the categories

looking at the photo previews

and trying to find my favorite, skinny girls.

...Sex can make or break

how skinny I feel.

If I'm feeling tiny and I bend&flex in bed

I feel more motivated to stay tiny.

If I'm feeling chunky or sloppy,

I don't feel sexy and don't want to have sex...

This girl is tiny.

And this page is bookmarked.

http://www.redtube.com/307554

Day 130

Breakfast:
Fried Eggs - 200cals
Lunch:
Romaine w/ Ranch&Croutons - 150cals
Dinner:
Cheese Bread w/ Ranch - 350cals

Exercise:
Walk - 150cals

NET: 550

Miranda's Binge

Season 4 of Sex & the City this weekend.

Episode 4 was too good not to blog about.

Miranda gives up sex

and starts binge-eating chocolate.

It's sad, yet hysterical.

She makes a cake

eats most of it

throws the rest out and

- completely tortured -

picks it out of the garbage to eat the rest.

I can't say I've ever eaten anything our of the garbage.

But I've definitely baked something

then thrown it away

so I wouldn't actually eat it.

I'd definitely pick masturbation/sex

over binge-eating chocolate.

Definitely.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0698700/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfk5iseN87k

Day 129

Breakfast:

Pumpkin Pancakes w/ Blackberry Syrup - 475cals

Lunch:

Greek Salad - 140cals

Dinner:

Fried Eggs & Turkey Sausage - 375cals

Exercise:

Walk w/ Stairs - 100cals

NET: 890

LC's Months

The boyfriend&I decided we'd try

a version of these suggestions

made in one of LC's blog posts.

Some of her posts are so great.

Obviously, she's thin&beautiful

so she's worth following

(in my opinion)

and taking some advice from.

Even though we are tweaking

what we plan to give up every month,

it's fun to have a partner in dieting

and a goal.

And a month without something

seems so manageable.

I've cheated on my non-dairy-plan

a couple times...

so maybe we'll try that one of our months.

http://laurenconrad.com/blog/post/shape-up-the-off-limits-list-to-your-bikini-body

Day 127

Breakfast:
Wasabi Peas - 100cals
Lunch:
Vegetable Stir Fry - 170cals
Dinner:
Greek Salad - 300cals
Perogies - 140cals

Exercise:
Run w/ Stairs - 200cals

NET: 510

Weekend Blogging

Food tracking "for my blog" over my weekend vacation

was really helpful.

Though I still gained

- 127lbs the morning I left -

- 136lbs the afternoon I got home -

- 129lbs this morning -

I knew how much I was intaking or planning to intake

even in an unhealthy&unhelpful environment.

I felt good - looked good - and tried to behave.

Since we've been home

we've been too busy to grocery shop

...so I've been eating what we happen to have.

I can't wait for this weekend

so I can get to the grocery store

and prep my meals for next week.

But thankfully

I am pretty happy that I kept track of myself

over this past weekend

and now I just have to get back on track.

Day 126

Breakfast:
Radishes - 15cals
Lunch:
Black Bean Patty w/ Olives - 215cals
Dinner:
Romaine w/ Croutons&Tuna - 150cals
Dessert:
Peanut Butter - 285cals

Exercise:
Run w/ Stairs - 250cals

NET: 415

Goal Options

Bodybuilding: Female bodybuilders are graded much like their male counterparts. However, judges look for these women to maintain a feminine look. 

Bikini: Bikini athletes must have a healthy physique; judges are not looking for striated muscularity or definition. They're graded for their symmetry, confidence, skin tone, and grace. 

Figure: Figure judges seek a more feminine physique than bodybuilding, but look for more athletic, muscular, and conditioned physiques than bikini athletes.

Fitness: These women demonstrate their strength, flexibility, and fitness in a choreographed routine. They'll also be judged in a side-by-side bikini round. 

Women's Physique (new): These competitors are more muscular than figure athletes, but are not hard, defined, or dry like bodybuilders.

Day 125

Lunch:
Vegetarian Stir Fry - 200cals
Dinner:
Spinach w/ Tuna&Ranch - 200cals

Exercise:
Run w/ Stairs - 100cals

NET: 300

Some Goals

A link to the article Bodybuilding.com did on the MADE girl

who inspired me.

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/mtv-makes-brooke-dragon.html

I'm actually getting more and more excited about this...

Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone.

If you want to change, you can't continue down the same road. Push beyond what you think is possible.

Enlist The Help Of A Mentor.

Having someone who has been in the trenches can be a huge asset to achieving your physique or fitness goals. A mentor will keep you accountable, cheer for you, educate you, and give you a shoulder to lean—or cry—on.

Prioritize Your Time.

Fitting fitness into a busy schedule can be challenging and stressful. But with proper time management and organization, you'll be much more equipped to handle anything.

Have A Good Support System.

Along the way, you may find who people don't understand what you're doing. Forget them. Surround yourself with people who will buoy you throughout!

Your Mind Is Your Most Valuable Tool.

If you think you can't do it, you won't. A strong body can't happen without a strong mind.

Day 124

Lunch:
Tuna Salad Lettuce Wrap - 390cals
Dinner:
Spinach w/ Crouton&Chicken&Light Dressing - 200cals

Exercise:
Run w/ Stairs - 100cals

NET: 490cals

Weekend Results

When adding up my 2 days of vacation food

it doesn't look so good.

I didn't feel like I did that poorly,

but I definitely could have done better.

We indulged.

The boyfriend kept saying

"eat now, cause starting Monday, you'll have none."

So I indulged..

probably too much...

and I'm sitting here wishing I'd behaved.

But I could have been worse.

And I could have been better.

Tomorrow morning's weigh-in will not be fun.

Throughout the trip, though

I felt very thin&beautiful.

I ran around the hotel in my bikini

and laid on the beach & by the pool

feeling very confident in my body.

And the boyfriend let me know how little I looked

and how much he liked it

so that helped my say "no" a bit

until I had some drinks and slammed naughties.

Days 122-123

Two Days of Vacation Foods:
Hard-boiled Eggs - 230cals
Sausage - 270cals
White Chicken Chili - 545cals
Egg Roll Mozzarella Sticks - 240cals
Monte Cristo Sandwich - 515cals
[THROW UP]
French Fries - 415cals
Jack's Pizza - 1200cals
Truffles - 480cals
Wine - 875cals

Exercise:
Walk (while shopping) - 200cals
Sex - 300cals
Dance - 300cals

NET: 3970 [3870]

Sex & Thinspo

The boyfriend bought me

the entire Sex & the City series

for Christmas.

I decided to start watching it with this serious diet.

Skinny&Successful Women having lots of Sex

is quite good thinspiration for me.

All the outfits Carrie wears are so adorable&tiny.

Someday I hope to wear

short tops and high-waisted pants&skirts

or any of the silly things she pulls off so easily

because a skinny body can wear anything.

Day 121

Lunch:
Side Salad w/ Raspberry Vinaigrette - 70cals
Chicken & Dumpling Soup - 100cals
Pineapple Carrot Bread - 80cals
Dinner:
Spinach w/ Chicken & Vinaigrette - 200cals
Snack:
Mocha Truffle - 100cals
Riesling Wing - 350cals

Exercise:
Sex - 300cals

NET: 600

Motivation&Weekends

"None of the waitresses at SUR are over a size 2."

-VANDERPUMP RULES

Bravo TV has a million thinspirational shows.

Everyone is tiny

and shameless about accepting&requiring the tininess.

With little&plastic women

running around their sunshine-filled cities

and beautiful&youthful socialites

living their lives so fashionably&fun-filled

makes me want to perfect my body

and show myself off more often

in this warm climate I thrive in.

I need to be taking more advantage of my surroundings.

And

- on the page of surroundings -

I'm excited to spend the weekend in Miami with the BF.

We'll obviously be eating out and drinking.

But we'll also be in bikinis and fucking a lot.

So maybe we'll behave more than I think...